This person was a paradox, somehow more mature than everyone else and yet vibrant with a childlike innocence. He is an extraordinarily private person and compliments make him really uncomfortable especially about his numerous achievements. We are heartbroken that this girl who was once the delight of everyone is now a stranger. So i wish him all the best and since i've realised that our relationship was just impossible even though we both tried so hard to make it work, i feel much better now. Why does your aspie partner sometimes shut. This is because they do not see solutions as a joint effort. My biggest advice to you all is to research trauma bonding. Just hang ups/silent treatments/lies I never got the truth on. You get the pointif you can avoid the marriage to an ASD I would even though I get itthey have some wonderful traits but so does the NT. He has done this before and lasted over a month without speaking to us but this time hes showing no signs of stopping. 6. Self-help guides and traditional couples therapy arent going to fix these differences. He seems completely shut down. I worked my fingers to the bone for him and it will never be reciprocated not even 5%. It's not personal, just a reflection of how the concept of social reciprocity is a struggle for us. You quickly made up, and there were a lot of tears from both of you. Other quirks. Then, there was another fight. I am so sorry that you were abused and traumatized. A fascinating topic as I'm an (undiagnosed) aspie male in my late 40s and recently had a very intense relationship, culminating with me 'going cold' and ruining everything in a single evening. Its pure madness trying to love an ASD person while trying to ignore your own biological and psychological needs. Yet he doesnt seem interested in responding. By expressing my feelings to her, she completely backed away. I broke up with her because my Aspie behavior unintentionally caused her (emotional?) Will he ever want to re connect? I have been with my asperger boyfriend for more than a year now. How do autistic express love? I guess Im the only one he wasnt talking to. Timing is important. In order to reduce anxiety Aspies often go silent or check out for days. Edmonton, Alberta. She's keeping this private. Tried to learn everything I could. But lives in a luxury building in a nice area. Be kind to yourself, seek support and bring calmness to your life as best you can. Going home and hoping to find some kind of comfort with his parents is unrealistic. Your words resonated with me that I obliterated him. However my old wounds from my mother and so fearful it would end I definitely think I sabotaged that relationship or he was just a charmer but the point being that when my husband was in jail I was bombarded with letters, calls. I asked what that was about, told them it made me feel like they were calling me stupid, and tried to set a boundary. I was thinking that if Im going to try and support him, I need to have some assurance that he wants to take our relationship seriously! I tried to change the subject, and in a very charming way, she stopped on the sidewalk,looked directly in my eyes, smiled, and asked "do you like me?" hes checked into a hotel and has told me its for peacof mind and to think of only him self for a change. At home, they werent trying as hard anymore. Everyone was shocked. Hello Elizabeth. Associated conditions, such as a sleep disorder or ADHD, can make driving challenging, too. Its hard to say if this woman is really interested in you, but in any case, dont work so hard. You tried to suggest therapy, but they accused you of gaslighting and more emotional abuse. Simple things he just said he was not going to do or change for me or anyone. One day Ill have enough courage to do so too. After 30 years what Ive noticed with my aspie husband is that hes only gotten worse and in fact at midlife he had a major crisis and left me. The stay-at-home mom of two teen boys in Connecticut says life with her husband, Rob, a successful computer engineer with Asperger's syndrome, is "like riding a roller coaster 24/7 without . I notice that all my fellow students and co-workers have no issue in becoming buddies and laughing and joking and hanging out. Its a tragic conundrum isnt it? People on the Autism Spectrum have a difficult time maintaining a relationship because they just dont think about you when you are not around. Is this what you want for your future ? Further they never ask themselves how you will feel if they do something like move to a hotel. Both will be tested to the very limit. I said to him Ill do it Ill serve her with a protective order but to be honest I dont feel stable with him or Her. People defending this behaviour (whether theyre on the spectrum or not) is something all these victims of abuse do not deserve. Especially when I am tired and can get very emotional. Psychologists will tell you that when a person cuts you out of their life or shuts you down in these passive aggressive ways, they suffer from a narcissistic wound. It's a difficult question and the answers would vary considerably from one person to another and would depend greatly on the circumstances. I had NT siblings who could bring friends home, so I knew the problem was with my selection process, but I didn't have anyone to ask about such things. It makes me feel Ive not done enough to deserve being loved. Whatever the reason, the aspie change resistance kicks in. It was good to understand it in an intellectual way, but still a year later my feelings don't follow reason. Its been a month already. Ive lived this and could not take anymore after 5 years of hell! However, he still doesnt want me on social media and I havent met his parents. Theres no need. As we all know, relationships can be difficult and complicated at times, but when one partner has Autism, many more difficulties usually arise. There is no intimacy, no closeness, nothing. I strongly suspect he is on the spectrum and if he knows it, he has never spoken about it. Hello Bob. Meltdowns are the norm. Hi July 21st and thanks for responding! Very paranoid. He doesnt care. I forgive him for that but i often notice him lying about something to me. Feeling bad, I googled the problem and came upon this article. Ill listen. And I do it right back so he understands how cruel it is. My passions are in social justice, diversity, inclusion, literature, science, and disability rights. you want to chat and resolve but they just dont think its important. Not everyone in a NeuroDivergent relationship experiences this level of narcissistic abuse, however. By making it so it feels more acceptable Easier to deal with, but dont be mistaken It is abusive behavior nonetheless and they will not change. It lasted this long because we have our own homes. I felt so much resentment and wanted to blaim him for everything that didint work. This sensitive, charismatic person became so awkward and distant in public. She closed off all communication about six months ago, but I'm still in an absolute turmoil of guilt, regret, loss and self hatred. He loves the male therapist, But my boyfriend just goes where the conversation leads to during sessions. I lost everything including me x, My Aspergers partner walked out on me and our 2yr old son last week but before hand we was talking about our future together, he made me a love song which he sang on his hands and knees, he took me to expensive restaurant to treat me But then he stayed out at his parents where his dad is dying from cancer and he came back in a mood with me, I asked him for hug and told him I had missed him he pushed me away and said he doesnt want a hug from me and that it feels weird touching me and that he cant take it no more, he put that he was single on Facebook I give him something to eat and left him alone, next day he woke up he didnt calm down over night instead he got his clothes and left us and went back to his parents and now hes saying he doesnt love me or want to be with me but if this was true why did he do all that he did for me just the other week before he left. There is so much I could say about your post. He cant just put his wife away on hold while gaming takes priority all the time! Trying to be the best mom to a very aware daughter and stay involved with other aspects of my life. I never said anything negative about having Asperger's nor was I trying to label him. My question is: once an Aspie has backed off in a relationship, is it possible to restore the relationship in some fashion that approximates the original strong feelings, or is it just "over?" I went through a lot of silent treatments and neglect but whats worse is that he cheated on me. pain, particularly my honesty, scrutiny, and pragmatism, and seeing her disappointment and tears, and knowing that I was the cause and could never change, was so upsetting to me that I hated myself. After continuing as friends for a while when I told him we can work this out he immediately agreed for a relationship. The first few months of this year he went out of his way to hang out with me. You were living your life as usual, but your partner began feeling like your independent actions had something to do with them. He called me a week later from the psychiatric ward to tell me that we wanted different things but that he loved me and had been happy in our relationship. For the aspie: There was that first big fight that happened. I'm an Aspie who is dating someone at the moment. Im a high functioning Aspie and broke up with my NT ex by giving her the silent treatment aka ghosting. We are amazing together when times are good but any criticism he cant take. But its difficult as Im such a caring, loving compassionate person. reduce anxiety and calm themselves. When we dont know what is going on, or we dont feel heard, we can withdraw into silence. This would go on for days and he would come around to be his usual self. Individuals with Asperger's may have some anxiety surrounding intimacy, and physical closeness can sometimes make them uncomfortable. He does not want to be tested. Others find eye contact uncomfortable, unhelpful, or distracting, as we have difficulty "reading" the nonverbal messages people communicate with . Ive made it very evident to him that I love him and want to be with him. I'm so so glad to have found this blog. Dont be so hard on yourself. (Part 1) One of the most. If you can do that you may have a relationship that gives you some sense of love. I am open with them about everything I have said to him I dont paint myself as a martyr or a victim I try to be as self-aware of my role in this as possible. I quite agree that NTs need help navigating the boiling waters of an NT/ASD relationship. She and her son moved in, and it's been a rollercoaster. I explained this but like all other NTs she didnt understand and assumed I was exaggerating. Have found this blog you quickly made up, and disability rights is all! Do something like move to a hotel am so sorry that you were your! 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